My Happy Reminder

Today I had a table for brunch that reminded me why I left casual dining for fine dining. The guests. They are demanding and rude and put ketchup on everything. They say they have allergies when they just don't like something and make a big deal out of every single thing they order.

When I approach the table one of the women puts up her hand like a stop sign and says, "before you say anything, I have a gluton and a dairy allergy, what can I have on your menu"? (it's your f*ing alllergy, take a look at the menu and you tell me what you can and can't have) I smile and politely reply, listing off a few things and asking her if there is something in particular she would like. She asks me a few specific questions and asks me to ask the chef if there are wheat or dairy in any of the sauces or dishes she asked about. I reply that there aren't, but she insists I ask the chef. (Like I couldn't just walk away, turn around and come right back, repeating exactly what I had just told her).

She sighs and they all order drinks, the girl next to her ordering an Arnold Palmer, "Um do you have, like, lemonade? and like, iced tea? so could you make like, and Arnold Palmer for me? ha ha! Awesome". Isn't it though? So awesome... if only I could get complete satisfaction from lemonade and iced tea mixed together... such bliss.

They all order different drinks, asking if we have refills on Orange Juice (have you ever, EVER, been to a restaurant that refills juice for free? You have to pay for it at Denny's, but not a nice restaurant? Uh yeah...) One guy orders a chocolate mint latte. Ew. I tell him we're out of mint, he seems seriously disappointed. So sad.

They order their food, modifying the shit out of everything. No tomato on this, no sauce on that... a Turkey club with my aioli, no Brie, sub Smoked cheddar, no onion, and bacon on the side... allergy girl's prime rib sandwich with no cheese and no bread (a pile of meat and sauce).

Once their food is out (they've already sent back half of their drinks) they all want sides of ketchup, hot sauce, etc... do they ask for it at the same time? No, no folks that would be too simple. They ask for one thing at a time.

Let me tell you, the only time you asking for no tomato or something on the side is a big deal is if you make it seem like a big deal. Just go ahead and ask for it without a bunch of oh-I'm-such-an-asshole-but-I-really-need-no-onions-on-the-burger bullshit. I don't care why you don't want onions, and I don't think you're an asshole for not liking onions. You only become high maintenance when you harp on it. Believe it or not, there are things I don't like. For instance, I cannot choke down asparagus. I hate it. I would rather get a picture of an asparagus branded on my ass than ever eat one. Not kidding.

The rest of my tables completely suffered because these six people were so ridiculously high maintenance.

I was right, blogging does help with frustration. Ah...