Well earrings go farther than a tip, right? WRONG.

Last night a guest left me earrings instead of a tip. Cheap shit too. It gets better. Not only did she leave earrings, but she actually left her table to come find me to give them to me. She said, when she tracked me down, "I always leave earrings for my female servers. I feel like it is a nice things to do since earrings will last longer than a tip anyway." Are you f*cking kidding me? So when I'm short on rent, I'll just give them to my landlord and say, "well I figured you'd appreciate this more than money". Uh no, that doesn't fly. Obviously. I was speechless. I just stared as she explained that they are stainless steel and real pearls. Bullshit. I have been making jewelry for fifteen years and I know what that looks like. If I wanted earrings I would make some, or buy some. I certainly wouldn't work a shift in the restaurant just hoping and praying for some cheap asses to walk in with some earrings to give me instead of money. Next time lady just pony up the dough and keep your earrings.

Overly Cheerful Servers... ew...

I work with a girl who actually sickens me.  I found myself listening to her sell someone dessert one night and I thought I was going to vomit.  People, you understand when you're being spoken to as though you were a slow five year old, correct?  Her voice was sugary sweet as she said, "now I know you saved room for a triple chocolate fudge sundae, or maybe our homemade apple cobbler...".  After the table declined, she proceeded to say, "are you sure? Our desserts are famous, they are sooooooo delicious!" At this point I caught myself staring with my mouth actually open in disgust as she basically forced these people to eat our mediocre dessert.  Gag... they declined again, obviously, and she walked away in defeat as they looked at each other, annoyed. 

Servers, people are not all stupid.  Do not speak to people as though they don't know what they want or like or can afford or can physically eat. 

People, report these jackass servers to their management.  If you feel patronized, annoyed, or just generally disgusted, talk to management.  Not every server in that restaurant will be that way, so instead of swearing off that restaurant, just say no to that server.  

Management, do your guests a favor and get rid of these ridiculous cheeseballs. Being nice is different than talking so slowly and sweetly it makes one want to gag.