My favorites

Do you have a drink list?
When people ask me for a drink list I like to point to my head and say, "yes I do, what kind of drink would you like?" Inevitably they laugh and say they want "like a fruity drink with rum in it".  Done, I can do that.  However, if you tell a bartender you don't care what kind of drink you get, you might get some fruity ten dollar concoction, but you might get a bud light (another fun joke).  Also, if you say you don't care, you may as well be signing a waiver saying you give up any and all right of disliking or returning said drink.  Don't even try and say you don't like it.  You people are the ones who go on dates and say they don't care what you do then complain the whole time.  Be direct if you give a shit (bigger life lessons here)

What drink do you love to make?
Another favorite question.  The answer my friends would be bottled beer.  Crack it open in two seconds and it's delicious.  Win all the way around.

Can you make me a strong drink? 
Recently I had a bartender friend in my bar ask me for a strong shot.  He should have known better.  He got sailor and 151 mixed together.  If you aren't specific why should I be? He says, "That's the worst thing I've ever had! Next time you're in my bar watch out!"  I said, "Why? I always order what I want." Duh.  Of course I can make you a strong drink.  The real question is if you would like it to taste good or not.

What should I tip you?
My answer to this will always be, "how much do you have?" Don't be a dickhead and ask how much you should tip, because it's not up to me.  I will tell you more than you are comfortable with every single time.  That said, 20% is standard.  And sufficient.  See my post on tipping.  

Reminder: I love my job and most people do not suck.  If, however, you say stupid shit like this to bartenders just stop it right now.